The best pickup line? “Check out my ethos.”

I get asked this question all the time: “Hey, Persuasion Guy…” (Actually, nobody calls me Persuasion Guy, though I wish they would). “What’s the most surefire pickup line in a bar?”

Dude. (I’m assuming you like to be called “Dude.”) If an Attractive Person wants you to pick him or her up, just don’t say anything that blows it. The AP will be judging you more than your lines. Which brings us to the theory of Ethos, your expressed character.

First, show that you care about the AP. A great pickup line? Suppose the AP is a woman; ask her a question about herself. Compliment her shoes and ask where she got them. (Straight guys rarely compliment a woman’s shoes, so at the least you’ll surprise her.) This is eunoia, disinterested good will. It’s the Caring part of Ethos.

Next, show you know what you’re doing. Signal the bartender suavely. This is phronesis, the Craft part of Ethos.

Finally, show respect and good manners. That’s arete, or virtue, the Cause part. You’re a genuinely good person.

Yeah, some APs aren’t looking for a genuinely good guy. They’re looking for an exciting, even dangerous guy. In which case, work harder on your Craft. And here you’re on your own. I’ve been happily married for too long to look dangerous. 

Here’s a video I made with my pal Christina. I cut out the part where she talks about what she thinks is the perfect line. Sorry. She already has Ryan Gosling as an imaginary boyfriend.