Persuasion 101: Watch the tense, practice decorum.

Here’s another question, this time from AP English Language student Will Sims.

We are learning about these rhetorical skills and tools, so how do you begin using them in real life? Once you do start using them how do you know you are using the skills correctly and not creating more fallacies yourself?

The beautiful thing about rhetoric (and the ugly thing as well) is that there is no “correct” way to use the tools. If you achieve your persuasion goal, then you’ve used rhetoric perfectly. Fallacious logic often persuades people. That qualifies an effective fallacy as “correct” rhetoric. (One motive for writing Thank You for Arguing, other than the fact my wife told me to, was my desire to inoculate people against rhetoric’s more evil manipulation.)

When it comes to which tools to use in real life, I’d start with the ones that calm things down when emotions get uncomfortable. My favorite two tools on those occasions:

1. Watch the tense, and try to change it.

Aristotle himself made this point, and it’s brilliant.

The past tense often gets used for failures and crimes. (“Look what you did!” “Who used up all the toothpaste?”) Aristotle called past-tense rhetoric “forensic,” because it has to do with crime and punishment—forensics. It can be useful for investigating a problem, but this rhetoric rarely actually solves problems. “Who used up all the toothpaste” investigated the toothpaste crime, but it didn’t get my son to bring me a tube.

The present tense has to do with values, tribes, and identities. (“A good son wouldn’t use up the toothpaste!” “Americans who don’t believe what I believe are traitors!”) This rhetoric—Aristotle called it “demonstrative,” because competitive speechmaking in ancient Greece often had to do with what’s good or bad—makes for the best sermons. In fact, just about all the greatest political speeches use the present tense in their best lines.

To solve problems, make common choices, and get people excited about a needed action, you want the future tense. Aristotle called this rhetoric “deliberative,” because it has to do with deliberating decisions that affect the future. (“How are we going to keep this from happening again?”) When an argument uses blame (past tense) or calls names (present tense), try pivoting to the future tense. (“Let’s talk about what we should do.”)

2. Practice decorum.

Remember when I made everybody uncomfortable by telling the class I was sending love beams out of my eyes? True decorum isn’t just about convincing an audience you’re part of the same tribe. It starts with convincing yourself that you have a lot in common, and that they’re worthy of your love. This gets especially challenging when the annoyingly opinionated uncle shows up at Thanksgiving. It’s hard to send the guy love beams while he’s pontificating and everybody around the table is staring down at their turkey. Your job is to love that uncle, even honor him. Think of what you have in common, and speak to it. Most of all, be the grownup in the room. Personally, I wish the world’s religions focused more on this aspect of decorum: love first, think of differences later. It can move rhetorical mountains.

That’s it. Practice tenses and love. Learn to spot fallacies—it makes for great brain training—but don’t obsess over them. You’re on your way to mastering the art of leadership.